How Are You Programmed?

How NLP Can Help You Change Limiting Beliefs and Negative Patterns

Have you ever stopped and wondered:

Why do I think the way I do?

Why do I keep telling myself I’m not good enough?

Why do I react in the same way, even when I know it isn’t helping me?

Why do I lack confidence when there is no obvious reason why I should?

Why do I keep repeating the same patterns?

One way of looking at this through Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is to think about the “programming” we develop throughout our lives.

When I originally wrote about this subject in 2018, I described it as being programmed by the people and experiences around us.

Today, I would describe it slightly differently.

From childhood onwards, we are constantly learning. We absorb messages, experiences, behaviours, attitudes and beliefs from our families, teachers, friends, relationships, workplaces and wider environment.

And sometimes, without consciously realising it, we can carry those messages with us for years.

Where Do Your Beliefs About Yourself Come From?

Think about a young child who proudly shows a teacher a picture they have created.

They are excited.

They are proud.

They might be waiting to hear:

“Wow! Tell me about your picture.”

But instead, imagine they hear:

“What is that supposed to be? That’s rubbish.”

One comment may seem insignificant to the adult saying it.

But what meaning might that child attach to it?

Perhaps:

“I’m not creative.”

“I’m rubbish at art.”

“I’m not very good.”

“People will laugh at me if I get things wrong.”

“It’s safer not to try.”

The important part isn’t simply what happened. It is also the meaning we give to what happened.

That meaning can influence the story we begin telling ourselves.

And when a story is repeated often enough, it can start to feel like the truth.

Are Your Limiting Beliefs Really True?

How many times have you said something like:

“I can’t do that.”

“I’m not confident.”

“I’ve always been anxious.”

“I’m useless with money.”

“I’m terrible at speaking in front of people.”

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I’m too old to change.”

“I’m not clever enough.”

“What will people think of me?”

But here’s the question I love asking:

Who told you?

Where did that belief come from?

When did you decide it was true?

And perhaps more importantly:

Is it still true today?

This is where NLP coaching can be incredibly useful.

What Does “Programming” Mean in NLP?

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

Neuro relates to how we experience and process the world through our nervous system and our internal representations.

Linguistic relates to language — including the words we use when communicating with other people and the language we repeatedly use inside our own heads.

Programming can be thought of as the patterns, habits and responses we have learned and continue to repeat.

Think about your brain a little like a sat-nav.

A sat-nav follows the route it has been given.

But what happens when you realise you’re travelling in the wrong direction?

You don’t throw the sat-nav away.

You recalculate the route.

And perhaps we can do something similar with some of the beliefs and patterns we have picked up throughout our lives.

Your Past May Have Influenced You, But It Doesn’t Have to Define Your Future

Perhaps someone told you that you weren’t clever enough.

Perhaps you were bullied at school.

Perhaps you constantly compared yourself with other people.

Maybe a parent, teacher, partner, boss or colleague repeatedly criticised you.

Perhaps nobody actually said anything directly, but through your experiences you came to your own conclusion:

“I’m not good enough.”

That belief can then affect how you behave.

You might avoid opportunities.

You might stay quiet in meetings.

You might be terrified of public speaking.

You might constantly seek reassurance.

You might become a people pleaser.

You might worry excessively about what other people think.

You might experience anxiety before trying something new.

And every time you avoid something, your mind may use that avoidance as further evidence:

“See? I knew I couldn’t do it.”

The pattern becomes stronger.

But patterns can change.

Are You Programming Yourself Every Day?

There is another person influencing your thoughts who we sometimes forget about.

You.

Listen to the language you use with yourself.

What do you say when you look in the mirror?

What do you tell yourself before an important meeting?

What goes through your mind before getting on an aeroplane?

What do you tell yourself when something goes wrong?

Do you say:

“I knew I’d mess it up.”

Or:

“That didn’t go the way I wanted. What can I learn from it?”

Those two sentences can create very different emotional responses.

The language we repeatedly use matters.

If you continually tell yourself:

“I’m anxious.”

“I can’t cope.”

“Something is going to go wrong.”

“I’m going to make a fool of myself.”

your attention can become increasingly focused on finding evidence that supports those thoughts.

NLP can help you begin questioning those patterns instead of automatically accepting them.

Changing Limiting Beliefs with NLP

As an NLP Coach and Clinical Hypnotherapist, one of the things I help clients explore is the relationship between their thoughts, language, beliefs, emotions and behaviours.

Rather than simply saying:

“Think positively.”

we can become curious about what is happening underneath the problem.

Where did this belief come from?

What are you telling yourself?

What pictures are you creating in your mind?

What happens inside you when you think about the situation?

What are you focusing on?

What would happen if that pattern changed?

And what would you rather believe about yourself instead?

Using NLP techniques, coaching and, where appropriate, clinical hypnotherapy, we can work towards helping you develop more useful responses and strengthen confidence, self-belief and resilience.

Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?

There was one question from my original 2018 article that I still believe is worth asking:

Who are you mixing with?

Think about the people you spend the most time with.

Do they encourage you?

Do they inspire you?

Do they celebrate your progress?

Do they challenge you in a positive way?

Or do you constantly hear:

“You can’t do that.”

“That’ll never work.”

“Why would anyone choose you?”

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

Other people’s opinions can influence us, but they don’t have to become our identity.

You can learn to question them.

You Can Recalibrate Your Internal Sat-Nav

You cannot go back and change every experience you’ve had.

You cannot change every word somebody said to you.

But you can change what those experiences mean to you today.

Perhaps that old belief of:

“I’m not good enough”

can become:

“I am good enough, and I’m still learning.”

Perhaps:

“I always fail”

can become:

“I use feedback to improve.”

Perhaps:

“I can’t cope”

can become:

“I’ve handled difficult things before, and I can learn how to handle this too.”

And perhaps:

“What will people think of me?”

can gradually become:

“What do I think of me?”

That can be an incredibly powerful change.

So, How Are You Programmed?

Take a moment today and listen to your internal conversation.

What are you repeatedly telling yourself?

Are those beliefs helping you become the person you want to be?

Or are you still living according to an old story that no longer serves you?

Because just because you’ve thought something for 10, 20, 30 or even 50 years doesn’t automatically make it true.

Sometimes it’s simply a well-practised pattern.

And patterns can change.

Today’s the day to start questioning the old story.

If anxiety, overthinking, low confidence, fear or limiting beliefs are holding you back, NLP Coaching and Clinical Hypnotherapy may help you begin creating a different way forward.

I work with adults and young people, helping them explore unhelpful patterns, build confidence and develop more useful ways of thinking, feeling and responding.

If you’re wondering whether NLP Coaching or Clinical Hypnotherapy could help you, you can book a free discovery call and we can have a conversation about what you would like to change.

Your past may have influenced your story. It doesn’t have to write the next chapter.